so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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