6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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