i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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