He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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