census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize