yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
