I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
