There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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