Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
