that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
