No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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