that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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