he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
