I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
