HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
