I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
