Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
