her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
