did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want to fling myself into the sun
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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