Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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