Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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