This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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