there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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