shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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