Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A bitchslap is in order.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
