Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
