There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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