How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
