clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
