i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
