I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
