If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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