His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
