I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
