Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
