I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
