he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
