How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
