you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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