you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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