oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
