4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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