if i can run in heels then i can drive
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
