smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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