My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
