Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
