omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
