you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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