Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
