I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize