I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
