i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
