You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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