mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
