You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
