it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
