you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
North Korea, Best Korea!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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