Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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