I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
