ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
