Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
