I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Come see our sink grown plant.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
