I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
