Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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