Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
